using the stars as guides

[unkindly]

who jack + isaac
what insomnia and... going places...
rating probably no more than PG
warnings Whale Noises? Feels? Adorables? Men questioning their sanity?

[It's late.

Jack lies awake next to Isaac, looking at him in the darkness, wishing he could sleep.

Not too long ago, he could. He was sleeping just fine, hardly any dreams or anything. Just a nice long night of refreshing slumber.

But ever since he woke up with scars on his neck and his vocal chords mangled so that the only sounds he can make are inhuman moans... well. He's gone back to square one.

Square one being frequent nightmares and nights of complete sleeplessness.

Tonight he just can't sleep at all. He's tried. He's tried too many times. He's tried with his head on Isaac's chest, listening to his heartbeat and the slow rhythm of his breaths, he's tried with his arms wrapped around him and his face buried in his hair, he's tried lying without touching him at all.

None of it works. Every time he closes his eyes the abyss, echoing with the cacophonous symphony of Rapture, reaches through his mind to grasp his consciousness and he has to shake himself back to reality with a gasp.

There'll be no sleep for him tonight.

So he watches Isaac sleep, the man's face turned toward him so that their noses are a mere centimeter away from each other, his breath tickling Jack's face. Jack reaches up and runs a finger along Isaac's jawline, then turns his head to look out the window. The curtain is open, revealing a cold winter night outside. There's no cloud in the sky, and the stars and moon shine crisply against the black backdrop of sky, the freezing air making the silver shapes sparkle like they never do in summer.

Jack turns his head back to Isaac.

Maybe a walk would help.

But he doesn't want to go alone.

...but he doesn't want to interrupt Isaac's sleep.

He sighs slightly and puts his hand on Isaac's arm, shaking it ever so gently.

Wake up, Isaac.]

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[unkindly]

[He chokes slightly, his breath hitching, and then, with his forehead pressed to Isaac's and his eyes screwed shut, he does start crying, tears rolling down his cheeks though he doesn't have any one reason why. He just cries. His sobs are deep and broken, little gulps of sound that he tries to swallow back unsuccessfully.]

[stomped]

[ There.

There, that's it.

Isaac continues stroking, feels the damp against the pad of his thumb. Wipes the tears away every so often. Jack doesn't need this--he doesn't need these nightmares. He kisses him softly on the cheek, just underneath his eye. ]

Won't let anything hurt you...

[unkindly]

[The tears last a while, though at this time of night time itself is somewhat fluid and untrackable, and it doesn't really matter to Jack anyway. He cries, barely noticing Isaac's presence for now.

As the tears slow however, Jack feels Isaac's hand on his back, his thumb on his cheek, and he opens his eyes, blinking at him slightly. He holds Isaac like he'll disappear if he doesn't, and right now it almost seems like it's possible.]

[stomped]

There you go...

[ He speaks in a hushed tone, as if a sound any louder could bring the nightmares back. His gaze is soft, the kind that is calm like the eye of a storm. He moves his hand slowly up and down between Jack's shoulders, keeping close. ]

M' right here--not going anywhere.

[ He presses his lips to his forehead, lets the kiss linger until it is just a touch. ]

[unkindly]

[His breathing has mostly steadied, his tears are subsiding, but he just feels hollow inside, the nightmare and the crying emptying him of everything but an exhausted numbness. When Isaac kisses his forehead he leans into it, craving the touch, the reminder that he can feel, does feel, but it's shallow, a surface comfort that only brushes the deep pain.

But for now, Jack will take it. He'll take anything he can get, and he nods and sighs and wishes all of this could just go away, leave his head completely.]

[stomped]

[ Isaac shifts a bit, draws Jack as close to his chest as he can, chin resting atop his head as he strokes along his back. ]

Remember what I told you?

[ He leans in slightly, lets his lips brush Jack's ear. ]

You're a man, Jack. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're a man and you're your own man.

[unkindly]

[Inhale.

Exhale.

Breathe.

He listens to Isaac's words, shuts his eyes so he can concentrate on every syllable.

He's a man. His own man. He makes his own choices. He's not a slave, not a monster, he's a man.

He repeats it to himself. Over and over.

With his arms wrapped around Isaac he presses his cheek into his shoulder, breathing him in, feeling his hand on his back and repeating his words in his head.

He's a man. His own man. He makes his own choices. He's not a slave, not a monster, he's a man.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Breathe.]

[stomped]

[ Isaac listens to his breathing, deep. He kisses his cheek lightly, keeps him close.

There is a sense of helplessness in all of it as he closes his eyes, keeps Jack as safe and close as he can.

I'm here, I'm here--nothing's going to hurt you. ]

[unkindly]

[He wishes he could say thank you.

He wishes he could say I love you.

He wishes he could say I'm really glad you're here Isaac.

Instead he breathes, traces the words on Isaac's skin, knowing he won't know what he's doing but needing the outlet anyway.

Thank you. I love you. Thank you. I love you.

Don't leave me.]

[stomped]

[ He can't discern the small movements of Jack's finger, the steady lines and circles. He closes his eyes, lets him with a gentle hand--touch him like a person hasn't touched him in years.

Softly, he kisses his forehead.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I'm not going anywhere. ]

[unkindly]

[He can feel himself settling, calming, feeling safe and secure again after the nightmare and the thoughts that bred it. He'll never truly be free of any of it, but for now he's feeling better, letting himself focus on Isaac, letting Isaac be an anchor, a foundation.

He breathes slowly, deeply, and he tilts his head to press his lips to Isaac's neck softly, mouthing the words as he traces them, knowing that even then they still won't get through.

I love you.

I.

L.

O.

V.

E.

Y.

O.

U.

One by one, slowly, on Isaac's chest, as he feels himself becoming slightly more at ease, just enough, perhaps, to be able to fall asleep again. Maybe. Hopefully.]

[stomped]

[ He smiles very softly as he feels lips against his neck, warm breath, steady now, Jack's fingers light as they move. A straight line, another, another, a circle...

He furrows his brow very gently as he tries, he really tries, and it doesn't quite hit him until he feels the soft loop at the end, the pause between strokes.

I love you.

Isaac smalls, a gentle curve of the lips as he hums low and quiet. ]

... I love you...

[ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

He rubs softly against his back, lets them tangle and mingle and enjoys breathing him in, subsiding panic and sleep and a bit of sweat, and something under it all that he could only ever describe as particularly Jack. ]

[unkindly]

[When Isaac says it, Jack knows he's got it. He smiles a little against Isaac's skin, tilts his head back to look at him, blinking slowly as sleep starts to creep back in, inch by inch.]

[stomped]

[ Isaac chuckles, low and deep from his chest as he breathes in once more. It is slow and heavy as he holds Jack close and edges the blanket up a bit more over their bare shoulders.

His eyes don't leave Jack's as he does this--he only reaches afterwards with a hand and slides fingers through his hair, an affectionate touch as he rests his head heavily against the pillow and smiles. ]

[unkindly]

[Jack sighs, holding Isaac's gaze until he runs his hand through Jack's hair. His eyes flicker shut at that, enjoying the feeling of it.

He doesn't really want to open his eyes again, but he does, readjusting himself slightly to keep various limbs from falling asleep and just generally getting more comfortable for sleeping again.]

[stomped]

[ Isaac stills his hand, remains unmoving and lets Jack settle himself until he is truly comfortable. Their limbs are slightly less tangled, resting against one another in familiarity. He can feel sleep washing over his limbs, slowing his breaths and he finally allows his eyes to go heavy, face tucked a bit against the top of Jack's head, nose brushing his hair as he keeps him protectively in his arms. ]

[unkindly]

[His own face tucked into Isaac's neck, Jack breathes, lets his eyes close again, and settles into the warmth and comfort and safety of Isaac.

Maybe he'll dream again tonight, but he's got the feeling it won't be as bad. He feels more secure, still vulnerable and haunted but feeling protected. Knowing that even if he does dream again, even if he never sleeps peacefully ever again, Isaac will be there. And it will be okay.]