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Entry tags:
☞ like nobody's won and we're safe at the end.
who jack + isaac
what now with 70% more fourth-walling
rating pg-13
warnings video game trauma.
[ It's a new thing every day, Isaac finds as he walks past the television. Gaming systems have come along way (at least what he's seen), but ultimately, it's all the same. He glances around the apartment briefly, a slight prickle of paranoia riding the rise of his spine. These definitely weren't there before, but then again--the television didn't plug in, the goddamn house ran off of embarrassment, and well. Just well. Leaning down, Isaac grabs the controller and sees the pair of cases that are laid out next to it on the low coffee table.
Haha. No.
You can't be. This is not serious. This isn't even real life right now.
Isaac picks up the top one and hums, popping in the disk. Oh hey. There's the remote (where the fuck were you when we needed you the most, asshole?) Slumping down on the couch with the controller in both hands, he passes through the introduction without much of a qualm aside from the fact that he ends up tilting his head a bit. Oh hey, Jack--Great things. Definitely great things. Except then the plane's going down and Isaac is cocked forward in his seat, clearly concerned that they just went down in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
The game is pretty interesting (not every day you get to play as someone you know).
"Now, would you kindly find a crowbar or something?" the game says.
There are those words. ]
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Oh god...
[ Isaac tries to stay quiet, really he does. It's not fun to be a backseat driver, but Franco is turning into a goddamn necromorph and there's nothing Isaac can do about it. He swears he can still feel his arms pressed tight to his body, his head swimming and all he can do when fetid, dead breath is huffing into his face--is headbutt it straight on.
Isaac Clarke--Run. ]
Goddamn it, run, Jack!
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I'm running, dammit!
[And that's all he can do and it's a little bit horrifying and then the necromorph gets slammed into the door and... there's a moment for breath.]
Shit.
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Fuck that one...
[ Jack continues onwards and you know. He's not so bad at this... He has to commend him because this game actually makes it look. Kind of sort of easy, you know? Isaac does manage the occasional tips. ]
If you can't lift it with the kinesis module--it's not dead. Stomp it so you don't waste the ammo.
[ Basic things. Upgrade the Cutter, it's the best. Javelin gun has a mean kick and terrible reload time, forget it. Line gun's pretty nifty, use it as a back up for the Cutter. And always always stomp. It's a while before Isaac realizes just what part they're coming up to. And his face falls just slightly. Daina--goddamn Daina.
Fucking Unitologist.
Just wanted the Marker code embedded in his brain.
Put him in stasis.
The thought terrified him really, but what hurt him most was the promise. A cure for the crazies, the dementia plaguing every corner of his brain. The various visions of Nicole spotting throughout the game in the meanwhile, in the children's nursery begging for her to make "them" whole again. Trying to shove a hypodermic needle in his eye... he thought he could be rid of her because she was dead. Because Daina had a cure...
But if anything he'd been used and goddamn abused and he runs a hand over his face.
It's alright though, she gets what's coming to her--an Earth Gov gunship flying in and firing rounds right into her unprotected body, doing the same for the two men holding him back while Isaac stays fairly safe in his suit--the only thing Jack has to do is get the time right; grab the railing just before the pull of the atmosphere outside yanks you out of the building and smashes you to bits against the rotars. He makes a noise of warning--be careful. ]
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For the most part he's silent, responding to Isaac's suggestions with a nod or a "thanks," letting out occasional swears at difficult or surprising parts, and generally not approving of Nicole. At all.
He's also not terribly trusting of Daina, which isn't a surprise given his experience, and when she turns out to be a unitologist Jack snorts in a "I knew it" kind of way.
And then everything starts falling apart again and he has to scramble to keep up with it and keep Isaac alive.
Which he does, barely. He takes a moment to glance over at Isaac.]
...doing okay?
[You don't look that okay.]
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[ He listens to the sound of what is a soft flatline. The bottom of his rig is red, the rest of it gone dark, and he points. ]
Med pack. Use it. Don't exactly have Vita-Stations here...
[ Again, things are going well. Jack isn't too bad at keeping him alive until. A drag tentacle just. Comes out of nowhere, and Isaac just stares at the screen wide eyed, heart racing because holy shit he remembers that--enough pressure to bruise his ankle through the suit, nearly rip his leg off if he hadn't worked so hard to keep up with the whipping motions.
He tells Jack to aim for the bulbous, yellow sac not far away, but hell it's difficult to keep a target when being thrown around in all sorts of directions and the next thing Isaac is seeing is himself being dragged right into the dark maw of the thing (something he's never seen in his life).
It takes every ounce of him not to scream along with the Isaac on television, particularly as he claws his way out, still yelling. The drag tentacle is determined, however, and a smaller tendril lashes around his neck, breaks it, a spurt of blood coming from his mouth--and reels him back in.
The screen goes dark and Isaac is just slack jawed. ]
That...
Jack...!
[ God his heart is... way too fast, and is that sweat? That's sweat. God he's horrified... ]
So that's... what would have happened...
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[He tries, he tries he really tries, but ultimately the Isaac on screen gets killed so gruesomely and Jack just. Stares.
He looks at Isaac.]
Oh god Isaac, I'm... I'm sorry... we can stop, we should stop...
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He shakes his head. Try again, Jack. It's silent, but the words are there.
Just. Try again. ]
It just needs a few shots to take it down, but you have to aim right. It's hard.
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[He's not going to try again if it leaves you like this okay.]
Are you sure?
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[ He stares at him in all seriousness. ]
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...okay, I'll... try not to.
[He'll just... kind of keep looking at Isaac for a moment, still unsure, before going back to the game.]
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Good. On to more pressing matters.
Because it's always the same bullshit, do this, do that--and while he won't scorn Ellie for it (she was down to her last, and so was he, he understood why he was going out and doing all of these things, sliding down vents and throwing himself out there. She and he were the only ones left (Stross couldn't even bother to be counted).
However, it begins to build, a mounting, stressful pressure that presses down against his chest, brings him to sit slumped in the couch with a quiet look in his weathery eyes that speak volumes.
"Who am I to you, Isaac? Who am I? A friend? Your lover? That one shred, one light from that shining star you clung to in this universe!? Or am I your guilt? Crushing the life out of you because you can't get over the fact that I'm dead. That you feel responsible! Who am I? Why do you keep fighting me!? Why can't you let go?" As he hears this, he finds himself muttering a bit, fingers digging into the couch now. ]
... I've got nothing left...
[ It speaks volumes to him. Everything, as he watches Jack do pretty well on the sudden timed command, the echoing of the button being pressed down frantically until she puts him down instead of finishing him off (breaking his neck). She smiles, returns to normal, looks at him with kind eyes and tells him that Acceptance is key. Acceptance is the way. Acceptance with a capital A.
He breathes out slowly, a bit shakily, but eggs Jack to go on anyways...
It's only after he's sent Ellie away on their last chance for freedom--the gunship--comms, life support... "You're going to be rescued," he says to her before he launches it, slumps down. His heart sinks to the pit of his stomach and he swears he can feel her, even though he swears she's gone. Swears Nicole's breath is down his neck as she begs him in that tired, sweet voice to make us whole, to touch me. ]
Fuck...
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As he thinks about it, between stomping and healing and wincing at Isaac's state of mind, he realizes that what he really wants is to see that Isaac gets out. He knows he gets out, yes, the fact that the man is sitting next to him (and there's a whole other game to go) should be proof of that, but he wants to see it for himself. He wants to see it done. And he wants Isaac to see it, to realize that it's over
If he stops now Isaac might not be able to get his head out of it. He needs closure, right? They both do.
So when Nicole murmurs and Isaac responds, Jack pauses. He looks over at Isaac and just watches him for a moment.]
Isaac.
[It's not a question, not a show of pity, it's a reminder. A reminder that he's here, not there, on this couch with Jack, not in space with a whole shitton of monsters and a crazy dead girlfriend in his head. He's here.
They're both here.
And Jack may be feeling the lack of sleep now, feeling it pretty hard, but he's going to keep going anyway because... they both need closure, don't they.]
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There's the machine.
The goddamn machine.
Isaac sucks in a bit of breath as he watches himself crawl inside...
Everything should be fine in Jack's hands... ]
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This is... god this is way too much like facing down the automated vocal cord surgery, shoving his throat into a claw that scrambled it around so that all he could do afterwards was make dying whale noises.
...He's still not entirely sure how he remembers that and yet doesn't have the scar and the bellow to prove it. He tries not to think about it.
But the idea is to keep Isaac calm, right? Keep him calm. He swallows, practically feeling the agony of the blades in his throat and the exhaustion of missing a whole night's sleep.
His hands are sweaty.
And he tries.
He really, really tries.
But this part is really fucking hard and he can't help but feel Isaac next to him, remembering this just as much as he's remembering the vocal cord surgery, both self-inflicted parodies of medicine to get a job done.
He can't do it.]
Fuck. Fuck. Goddammit!
[He flinches back as the needle doesn't just pierce Isaac's eye but drills all the way through his head, the poor man screaming in utter agony. Jack drops the controller.]
Oh god oh god I'm so sorry.
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For lack of a better term he screams because god his heart is pounding at a bruising pace and once the sound deems itself through, he's gone and turned his head to Jack frantically, eyes wide. Second time he's died in this game--and what a way to go. ]
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[He can't say it enough, especially with Isaac's reaction. He reaches over and grabs Isaac's hands, holding them tightly.]
It's okay, it's okay, that didn't happen, it didn't happen like that you're okay.
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[ Okay. Okay. You're okay. Everything's okay. His hands are shaking, but things are okay and his breath is canting and his heart isn't even slowing down until he's sat there for some time, his hands in Jack's. The trembling doesn't quite stop until he's taken a number of deep breaths, until he's told himself that it's over...
The nightmare is over...
But he stumbles.
But it will not end.
He shakes his head.
It's over.
It will be over...
He looks to the screen and then back to Jack. Swallows tightly because his throat is so goddamn closed up... goddamn tight. Another breath-- ]
Go on... Make it right...
[ He knows you can do it... ]
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He pulls away and picks the controller back up, taking several deep breaths himself before diving back in.
This time, though he struggles, he does it. Without heinous death.
He lets out a long, slow breath.
Right. They've got to be close to the end, right?
God this is intense.]
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Almost. They're almost through this.
It goes by in a series of events that leaves Isaac, in the end, a shaking mess.
He leaves with this information of his, this Marker code in his brain exposed like an open flower to the sun and he goes at him across the yawning gap between the main medical pavilion and the Marker. Tiedmann is already there, at the ready with a javelin gun that he wastes no time launching at Isaac. The first embeds itself right into his shoulder, spearing him straight through. His hand goes right to where it would be now on his body, where a scar rests nicely there--enter wound, exit wound. He remembers tearing it out, seeing the next go through his hand, straight through as well. But he takes it out, just like a trooper, because goddamn it, he's got bigger fish to fry and Tiedmann goes down when he tries to fire the third and final one. It goes straight through his throat.
Jack doesn't wait for the cue, it seems, already aiming and blowing off Tiedmann's head with the plasmacutter.
Good man.
And then there's Nicole, shining bright, and for a moment, Isaac's heart stops because he remembers. Warm hands on his head and the feeling of her fingers (real) in his hair and he could, for a minute think she's still alive until she croons softly that it's "time to die" and he's taken far, far away, too far, a fight for his mind.
Jack executes it... rather well, using everything he's got until Nicole screams and the nightmare... it's over... and Isaac is left in the crumbling Titan Station where he turns around, wonders just where he is. Isaac knows, that feeling of despair that overtakes him. But also, there's that Acceptance. Acceptance for death. He did something good, the Marker? It's gone and here he is. Gone too. He remembers and his breath comes hard as if he's run miles and miles. Isaac in the game sits down, just as he remembers, sits with his knees up and his hand on his face and his eyes wet.
But Ellie, well... Ellie from before? Ellie on the gunship?
Good. Old. Reliable. Spunky. Ellie. There she is, contacting his RIG, bursting through the ceiling and forcing himself to hurtle up towards her with more determination than ever. He can live, oh god he can live and as he watches this it's like living through all of it again and...
It's over.
He's gone and looked at Ellie and she's the same and it's over. It's dark.
Isaac turns a bit, glances at Jack. And it's just Jack. Exactly Jack.
He hesitates as the game shuts off. Tries to make a sound. A good job. A "hah, well that's that" but it's not coming out. Just a choked sound. Help... fuck, help... ]
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It's over. Thank god or whatever that it's over. The screen goes dark and Jack looks over at Isaac and Isaac's staring at him, making that sound and Jack practically throws the controller down, leaning forward and pulling Isaac into his arms, holding him tightly, so tightly, like he's never going to let go.]
It's okay. It's over. You're here, it's safe, it's over.
[He doesn't know what to say other than that, so he repeats it in Isaac's ear, trying to be for Isaac what Isaac was for him yesterday.]
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The nightmare is over
But it will not end.
The sickness is the cure
The cure is the sickness.
The words are there and they rest, they won't give up. The Marker's code isn't gone, it's just repurposed. Destroy instead of make. He may be. Sniffling a bit. Just to ward away the tears that are hot and aching just around his eyes. This is good. No. This hugging is good. The tightness of it. ]
Yeah...
Yeah, it's over.
[ "We're not playing that third game." ]
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For now Jack just holds Isaac, ready to hold him as long as he needs him to, understanding more about him than he ever did and ever possibly could without it.
They're both so broken.
So broken and it hurts so much and they try to pretend it's not a big deal, it doesn't hurt as much as it does, but it's always there. Sometimes it's less noticeable only because they've gotten used to it, but it always hurts.
Always.
Jack understands. He understands too well. He holds Isaac so tightly, one hand to the back of his head in an echoed reversal of the day before.]
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We're pretty fucked up aren't we?
[ It's said into his shoulder, a heave of words as he laughs just a little, chokes on his breath. He'll just press his face a bit more into Jack. Everything can be black for now. It can hurt because all he needs is a steady heartbeat. That's it. ]
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[You play the hand that's dealt to you, and Jack and Isaac were dealt really shitty hands.
Jack squeezes his eyes shut at the sound of Isaac's voice, that hollow laughter.]
We'll be fine, though.
[He says it, though his voice cracks a little. He says it but he has to convince himself it's true. They'll be fine. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. They'll be fine.
Right?
They have to be.]
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[ He pats Jack's shoulder slowly, hard, firm. Whatever's out there, please. We have to be okay.
He'll lift his head eventually, eyes kind of tired-looking. Isaac glances at the clock and while yeah, it's a little too early to turn in, he already is exhausted for some reason. It's barely a murmur. ]
You're tired. Probably. Go get some rest.
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