orifice | using the stars as guides

Entry tags:

using the stars as guides

who jack + isaac
what insomnia and... going places...
rating probably no more than PG
warnings Whale Noises? Feels? Adorables? Men questioning their sanity?

[It's late.

Jack lies awake next to Isaac, looking at him in the darkness, wishing he could sleep.

Not too long ago, he could. He was sleeping just fine, hardly any dreams or anything. Just a nice long night of refreshing slumber.

But ever since he woke up with scars on his neck and his vocal chords mangled so that the only sounds he can make are inhuman moans... well. He's gone back to square one.

Square one being frequent nightmares and nights of complete sleeplessness.

Tonight he just can't sleep at all. He's tried. He's tried too many times. He's tried with his head on Isaac's chest, listening to his heartbeat and the slow rhythm of his breaths, he's tried with his arms wrapped around him and his face buried in his hair, he's tried lying without touching him at all.

None of it works. Every time he closes his eyes the abyss, echoing with the cacophonous symphony of Rapture, reaches through his mind to grasp his consciousness and he has to shake himself back to reality with a gasp.

There'll be no sleep for him tonight.

So he watches Isaac sleep, the man's face turned toward him so that their noses are a mere centimeter away from each other, his breath tickling Jack's face. Jack reaches up and runs a finger along Isaac's jawline, then turns his head to look out the window. The curtain is open, revealing a cold winter night outside. There's no cloud in the sky, and the stars and moon shine crisply against the black backdrop of sky, the freezing air making the silver shapes sparkle like they never do in summer.

Jack turns his head back to Isaac.

Maybe a walk would help.

But he doesn't want to go alone.

...but he doesn't want to interrupt Isaac's sleep.

He sighs slightly and puts his hand on Isaac's arm, shaking it ever so gently.

Wake up, Isaac.]

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[ Isaac isn't surprised by the hug, not after what happened. He wraps his arms around him, hands against Jack's back as he rubs slowly up and down along his spine. ]

Nice to be home, huh?

[ He squeezes Jack tightly for a moment in the hug. ]

[Jack nods into Isaac's shoulder, breathing him in as he tries to settle himself down.

...it's not that he's anxious, he just has dark thoughts. He'll sleep, most likely, but it won't be peaceful. He can tell.

But he sighs and lets go, taking off his scarf and kicking off his boots.]

[ Isaac toes off his own boots as well, a hand resting low on Jack's back, just steady, a message to say "I'm here" as he guides them back to the bedroom.

Sleep won't be easy for Jack, but he'll be there if it gets rough. ]

[He appreciates Isaac's nearness, his silent reassurance of presence and comfort. It helps.

He takes off his clothes, not particularly caring where they land. He'll clean it up tomorrow. For now, he just climbs into bed, pulling the blankets up and looking for Isaac.]

[ Isaac shrugs out of his clothing easily enough, makes it quick as he climbs into bed. His weight brings the mattress to dip slightly as it always does.

Sliding under the blankets he shifts, curling an arm around Jack just slightly, pulling him close. ]

[Jack takes a deep, slow breath as he adjusts, moving closer to Isaac's warmth and stability. He listens for his breathing, his heartbeat, and closes his eyes as he slowly matches both.

He's exhausted, but the events of the night can't be forgotten, even with Isaac's arm around him. Still, he can feel his body falling asleep even as his mind whispers.

In the end, he's not sure which is worse, the insomnia or the nightmares.]

[ He closes his eyes, his hand gently rubbing Jack's shoulder until sleep claims him lightly.

Jack has had nightmares before, Isaac has had his own fair share, so he knows when Jack is dreaming and when those dreams are not so pleasant. Fingers in his hair, there's nothing to do but wait. ]

[Tonight the nightmares creep in slowly. It starts simply, a Little Sister taking him by the hand and leading him with a smile as she chatters about Angels and calls him Mr. B.

They walk by windows out on the ocean, and he sees his reflection. He's a Big Daddy.

Of course he is.

And then there's Frank Fontaine, speaking like Atlas, speaking like himself, oscillating between voices as he shouts at him.

You can't go back, boyo! Not from something like this!

And then Andrew Ryan...

You were my greatest disappointment.

And then Tenenbaum, looking so sad...

What have we done... what have we done?

And they speak together and apart and they repeat themselves and their words weave together in a frightening cacophony and he can't listen to it, he's fallen to the floor and his head is so heavy, so heavy, and the Little Sister is standing by him, crying, Mr. B! Mr. B! and he can't get up to help her, he can only moan, a sound that makes its way out of his throat, a low groan that shakes him, but he can't wake up, he can't lift himself off the ground, he's sinking, sinking, and the voices are bearing down on him, burying him.]

[ There are soft moans, the kind that Isaac has grown accustomed to. They've waned over time, but tonight, as he figured, they are particularly bad and his eyes open slowly. He breathes in sharply, looks at Jack and his parted lips and the way he lets out a noise that could shake a man to his bones, even if it isn't loud.

He turns a bit, keeping Jack in his one arm as he presses closer. ]

Jack...

[ He speaks softly... because maybe he can rouse him without completely startling him awake. ]

Jack, it's not real...

[ Whatever it is--it isn't real right now. ]

[He has to get up. He has to get up. His Little Sister is crying and she's not safe without him, he has to protect her.

But there's man standing over him with a gun, staring down at him, and he doesn't have a face but he knows who he is.

It's Jack.

It's himself.

But it's not him because he's the Big Daddy, he's the monster, the sad pathetic thing created only to protect the Little Sister but failing even to do that.

And there's a man over Jack's shoulder, it's Atlas, and he's whispering in his ear and he can see the way his mouth moves and the words he's saying even if he can't hear it...

Would you kindly kill that son of a bitch...

And Andrew Ryan is standing over his other shoulder, asking the same question he always asks, has always asked, ARE YOU A MAN, OR A SLAVE?

He's neither.

And Jack's raising his gun...]

[ The dream has claws, he sees it in how Jack pushes slightly, breathes out hard, lets out another sharp sound that almost pleads. Isaac tightens his grip against him, shakes him just slightly with his free hand. ]

Jack.

[ It's louder this time, a bit more ferocious as he tries to rouse him. ]

[Just as Jack pulls the trigger he jerks awake, flinching and startling and staring wildly around him, breaths coming hard and fast as he grips Isaac's arms with a grip of iron.

His thoughts are scattered, meaningless, he's in Rapture, he's here, he's with the Little Sister, he's with Isaac.]

[ Isaac leans in close, lips to his ear. He feels Jack's breath against his cheek as he gathers him close to his chest.

His hand splays against his back, presses.

It's okay. It's okay, you're here. ]

--Just us. You're right here, Jack.

[He's... he's with Isaac.

He's with Isaac. Just Isaac. No one else. No Atlas, no Fontaine, no Tenenbaum, no Litte Sisters, and no Big Daddies.

Just Isaac, and himself. Whoever he is.

And Isaac's holding him and for a moment it's just too much, all of it, the nightmare, the insomnia, everything, and Jack clutches at Isaac and his breaths take on that desperate quality that's a sure sign he's trying not to cry.]

[ He takes Jack's face in one hand, holds it up so they meet close. Jack's fingers clutching at him, holding for some kind of stability.

Isaac just presses closer. ]

Go on...

[ Don't keep it in like that. He lets his thumb run the line of Jack's cheek, foreheads close. ]

[He chokes slightly, his breath hitching, and then, with his forehead pressed to Isaac's and his eyes screwed shut, he does start crying, tears rolling down his cheeks though he doesn't have any one reason why. He just cries. His sobs are deep and broken, little gulps of sound that he tries to swallow back unsuccessfully.]

[ There.

There, that's it.

Isaac continues stroking, feels the damp against the pad of his thumb. Wipes the tears away every so often. Jack doesn't need this--he doesn't need these nightmares. He kisses him softly on the cheek, just underneath his eye. ]

Won't let anything hurt you...

[The tears last a while, though at this time of night time itself is somewhat fluid and untrackable, and it doesn't really matter to Jack anyway. He cries, barely noticing Isaac's presence for now.

As the tears slow however, Jack feels Isaac's hand on his back, his thumb on his cheek, and he opens his eyes, blinking at him slightly. He holds Isaac like he'll disappear if he doesn't, and right now it almost seems like it's possible.]

There you go...

[ He speaks in a hushed tone, as if a sound any louder could bring the nightmares back. His gaze is soft, the kind that is calm like the eye of a storm. He moves his hand slowly up and down between Jack's shoulders, keeping close. ]

M' right here--not going anywhere.

[ He presses his lips to his forehead, lets the kiss linger until it is just a touch. ]

[His breathing has mostly steadied, his tears are subsiding, but he just feels hollow inside, the nightmare and the crying emptying him of everything but an exhausted numbness. When Isaac kisses his forehead he leans into it, craving the touch, the reminder that he can feel, does feel, but it's shallow, a surface comfort that only brushes the deep pain.

But for now, Jack will take it. He'll take anything he can get, and he nods and sighs and wishes all of this could just go away, leave his head completely.]

[ Isaac shifts a bit, draws Jack as close to his chest as he can, chin resting atop his head as he strokes along his back. ]

Remember what I told you?

[ He leans in slightly, lets his lips brush Jack's ear. ]

You're a man, Jack. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're a man and you're your own man.

[Inhale.

Exhale.

Breathe.

He listens to Isaac's words, shuts his eyes so he can concentrate on every syllable.

He's a man. His own man. He makes his own choices. He's not a slave, not a monster, he's a man.

He repeats it to himself. Over and over.

With his arms wrapped around Isaac he presses his cheek into his shoulder, breathing him in, feeling his hand on his back and repeating his words in his head.

He's a man. His own man. He makes his own choices. He's not a slave, not a monster, he's a man.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Breathe.]

[ Isaac listens to his breathing, deep. He kisses his cheek lightly, keeps him close.

There is a sense of helplessness in all of it as he closes his eyes, keeps Jack as safe and close as he can.

I'm here, I'm here--nothing's going to hurt you. ]

[He wishes he could say thank you.

He wishes he could say I love you.

He wishes he could say I'm really glad you're here Isaac.

Instead he breathes, traces the words on Isaac's skin, knowing he won't know what he's doing but needing the outlet anyway.

Thank you. I love you. Thank you. I love you.

Don't leave me.]

[ He can't discern the small movements of Jack's finger, the steady lines and circles. He closes his eyes, lets him with a gentle hand--touch him like a person hasn't touched him in years.

Softly, he kisses his forehead.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I'm not going anywhere. ]

using the stars as guides

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